I am Dennis, the goldfish from "Stanley"...

The early bird...
...gets up earlier than the late bird...ha ha ha I woke up @ 6:45AM in order to run with Chris, well not run WITH him, more like leave at the same time and do our own thangs. But I have felt great this whole day, energy wise and I'm in a far better mood than if I just rolled up out of bed and went straight to work. There are serveral advantages to waking up early and taking an early morning run. You feel more energetic throughout the day, you're up so early and get hungry after your run, so you eat breakfast, the most important meal of the day, which we so often seem to skip. You burn calories at a much faster pace through the workday (and especially if you have a job like mine, where all you do is sit in a chair in front of the computer all day, you need it). And you just get in better shape... :) So I strongly recommend that we all take up this little daily habit...

Lesson for the day...
Drinking too much (Overhydration) water can kill you...

Appreciation for the day...
Conversation...however short

"The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time."
-Abraham Lincoln

I am the cricket in the parking lot at work...

Reset
I had a very good conversation w/ an old friend of mine last night...and she really brought me back to earth w/ everything that has been going on in my life lately. She's awesome...and I'm so glad we're still friends after all that we've been through...because she has really taught me a lot over the last 5 years... So I'm going to "Reset" and go back to the basics. Just enjoy my life right now and go back to the simple things, be thankful of what I DO have and not hope for something more...and if something happens, then, to quote another friend, "... you're either pleasantly surprised or just the same as before." Good friends are so hard to come by and I feel so blessed that I have been graced w/ the presence of so many of them.

"Jaytime"
I had a lot of time to chill and relax this weekend. Friday, went out to D&B's for some drinks and a good time w/ my friends. Saturday was spent being a total bum, cleaning up here and there, doing some laundry here and there, and relaxing in the hot tub...ahhh. Yesterday, pretty much the whole day was spent w/ my lil London...we had so much fun together. And that was pretty much it. This week seems to be quite busy, with 2 birthdays, a trip to Vegas, Class, and a trip up to LA to see my folks being amongst the more significant details...glad I got to rest. I also plan on hitting the gym again, starting today...so hopefully, that will get me out of this rut that I'm in...

Moving on...
I think I'm starting to be okay w/ losing my lolo Bo. Another good friend suggested to me that maybe, in addition to praying, that I should talk to him...so I have, for the past two days, and I think that's made things a whole lot easier. Father Pat offered the mass for him yesterday at Interfaith and well, I think I'm starting to feel a lil better about the whole thing.

Lesson for the day
It IS possible to sleep too much...

Appreciation for the day
Friends that keep me grounded

"Open your heart, mind, body and soul...and the world is yours."

okay, so I don't feel like working right now...sue me:

Everyone makes up things to do lists. Well here's a list of things I made up that I need to do before I'm 30...In no particular order of course...but some, are sequential for others...and...drumroll please.........

Besides the obvious:
Get married
Have at least one kid
Buy a house

-Get out of debt
-Get over my fear of heights so I can:
-bungee jump
-sky dive
-Learn how to swim so I can:
-snorkel
-scuba dive
-become an expert marksman
-design my kitchen
-Be able to run a 6-7 minute mile for 3 miles
-Go to the Philippines at least once
-Go to Hawaii at least once
-Learn how to play guitar

*This list is subject to change...but most of these things I think can and will be done

just wanted to take a second or two to say....

Appreciation for the day
Being thought of highly...

Lesson for the day
A smile is worth 10,000 words

I am a flat tire...

Recovery
I didn't realize what a pounding my body took from that basketball tournament on Saturday. I AM getting old...it's taken more than 4 days to recover...and still counting. Sheesh...remind me never to put my body through something like that again...at least not all of a sudden, like that tournament! But I'm glad to know that it's my body that's just taking a while to recover, because then that means I'm not getting sick...my body just needs a lot of rest in order to repair all the damage I've done...whew! Just a few more days....

While I'm on the topic of health, I need to get healthier, overall. I REALLY have to cut back on smoking. Everyone is flabbergasted that I even picked it back up but hey, I was weak, and now, I'm dealing w/ it. I also want to try to sleep about an hour earlier each nite...diet a lil better and take more opportunities to relax a lil bit. Look at me, Jay Bermudez...health nut...ha ha ha...

When the expected occurs
It happened...My Lolo Bo pasted away Tuesday morning. My mom told me last night and I got so sad, but I still haven't really cried about it. Like I said, this is the closest person to me that I've lost, yet I feel like I have no idea how to deal with it. I'm just not a good griever, I guess. I mean, is there a way you're SUPPOSED to be? I mean, I try to keep myself distracted and not think about it too much, but then I think that I shouldn't be doing anything that makes me happy because I shouldn't be right now, and then I think I shuold be thinking about it more... argh. All these things, I just don't know what to do...

Talking about it w/ my roomies and friend last night kinda helped me out, but yet I'm not totally sure. One thing that one of the roomies said last night that really made me sad was, "The only times family gets together is Holidays and Deaths." I'd like to think it wasn't that way, but most of the time, it IS. So here's to a more conscious effort on my part to spend time w/ family on the days "in between" those said days...

"Life is so short, we must move very slowly."
-Thai proverb

I am a tree by the water...

Off the right track...
You ever get the feeling that things will most likely not go as planned throughout the day? I woke up an hour later than I had hoped, it's Wednesday, donut day, but there are no donuts, and it's already 10:25!!! I have class today, and I even forgot my notebook! Sheesh....talk about being out of sync....

Windows
I was recently asked if there were windows of opportunity w/ me and I simply replied, "I don't know." But when I started to think about it more, I guess that there ARE windows of opportunity that once "closed," have rarely been "opened" again. I guess that makes sense because in my past experiences, I have never tried to, for a better lack of words, "start over." But going into the dissue w/ more depth, I still think that windows are never totally "closed." It's just that throughout my life (So far, at least), I've never wanted to go back windows that I've already passed. But like I said, that's what's happened up to this point in my life...

"Do or do not, there is no try."
-Yoda

Too much information
Is it possible to be TOO expressive and open? I guess so. It has come to my attention that perhaps I am. But I don't really care whether or not I am, because that's me...for better or for worse(and apparently in this case, for worse). It's funny how we urge each other to express ourselves as fully as we can and to "say what we mean, and mean what we say" type of shit, but when it comes down to it, people don't want you to "give them too much info." So...when it rains, it pours.

Lesson for the day...
Bad things don't happen to good people...nor do good things happen to good people, things JUST happen...roll w/ the punches.

Appreciation for the day....
Friends who go out of their way to include you...and call you family...

I am a fish out of water...

Not all there...
I'm at work, but I'm not. I'm wide awake, yet I'm totally zoned out. I need to figure out a healthy way to get through this shit. I came into work 2.5 hours later than I had originally planned, and I still feel tired even though I slept for about 8.5 hours... I still don't even feel hungry. But I AM eating because I know I have to. Man, when it rains, it pours. The tough thing is that there are certain people who I have been wanting to go to, but they're unavailable...which sometimes makes me feel lonely, but I know I'm not, it's only a temporary thing.

not much else to say today...

"There'll always be sunshine after the rain."
-unknown

I am a car running on fumes...

Drained
It has been a loooooong weekend. My body is completely sore, I'm totally exhausted, and trust me...I'm NOT exhaggerating. I didn't go into work today because of this long weekend. Not only because I was up late consoling a friend, because even after I got home(this morning) I was still awake for another couple of hours. It is already past noon, and I'm barely out of bed. Friday night, I went to watch Spider-man w/ Chris and Caren (Caren just got back from Europe the night before). Mind you we watched a 7PM showing and I was hoping to head to LA early so that Glenn and I could get a good's nite's rest before playing basketball all day for that tournament on Sat. Unfortunately, Glenn ended up being out until about 11:30 and we didn't get to LA until 1AM. So much for a good nite's rest... We wake up at 6:45 AM Sat, eat and head for the b-ball tourney. Gosh I love basketball... But that tournament was too taxing on my body. I played every game sitting out only about 5-10 min per game for four games...and it was intense...people were SOOOO serious? I couldn't believe it. Unfortuntately we won two games and lost two games, but I was a little relieved to have lost the last game because I just don't think we would've had enough to play 2 more games. Plus, I had found out some rather disturbing news right before the last game that I played...of which I will talk about later. So we leave early, a lil dejected, and go back to my folks' place to get ready for a friend's Grad/Bon Voyage party. I was just out of it at that point, and wanted to go home as soon as I talked to her already. I was just exhausted. I tried to get my mind off of things by staying distracted, but I just couldn't. We were back at my folks' by 11 and back in Irvine by midnight. Sunday, went to church at St. John Neumann, where some unexpected event happened at church that just freaked everyone out for a moment. A man came up to the lectern during mass and started to speak, out of nowhere, and he was escorted out of the church kicking and screaming...and some people even left becuase they probably thought something bad was going to happen...but I don't blame them, in this day and age. We went to the Angels/Seattle Mariners game, which was cool, ate at MY FAVORITE RESTAURANT, Thai BBQ, and then went home. At about 11PM last night I went over to my friend's place to chill and tried to keep her from stressing out so much. Like I said at the beginning, I came home really late(or is it early?), slept a little, and here I am, blogging...

Life's curveballs
My mind is just in total chaos right now. So I said that I found out some rather disturbing news right before my last game on Saturday. It had to do w/ my family, specifically my Lolo Bo(who is not my actual grandfather, but my grandfather on my dad's side's brother). My sister called me and told me that he had had a heart attack and apparently, they weren't able to get him to the hospital on time, and now, he's braindead and on life support. So now, they're trying to decide whether or not to pull the plug. I don't even know what I'm thinking anymore, or what I'm doing, or what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing. I know I should be sad, but it just hasn't hit me yet...he used to LIVE w/ us! I remember the days when he would have to take care of me and my sister all day while my parents were at work. He was soooo funny. And now, I won't get the chance to talk to him again...until the next life. I've never lost someone this close to me, and yes, I know that I haven't really lost him, but yet I have... I know everyone has their own way to deal w/ things. My parents seem to be very ok w/ it, even somewhat emotionally detached from it...maybe it's just how older people deal w/ it. My sister told me she cried it out already...and sometimes, I get really sad, but still...I just don't know what to do. Tiburcio Bermudez...I love you....and I long to see you again...

Faith
It's difficult to keep your Faith strong when you think everything's going wrong... "Even though you have a God, sometimes it's just not enough." That's what my friend told me last night. It just made me sad to hear that because I know she's not the only one who's experienced things that make her feel that way. So, I asked her for her bible and gave her the following quote back, "I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thougts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." (Jer 29:11) I told her that's what I always try to remember when things aren't going the way we had hoped, or if some crazy curve ball was just thrown at us. And it reminded me that that's what I needed to remember right now too...

"Do not seek to follow the footsteps of the men of old. Seek what they sought."
-Basho

***DISCLAIMER***

The last blog was a completely humorously written blog...just because I didn't feel like working. So to all of you who THINK you do this to me or come to me for things...DO NOT feel bad...I LOVE DOING THINGS FOR YOU GUYS!!!! CUZ I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

10 minutes to go...

Friday Work Delirium
sudden realization...I am "secretary for life!" I just noticed that I am ALWAYS the person people go to to relay messages to their friends, or to find out other people's phone numbers. I set up meetings and get-togethers, run errands for them, help them find airline tickets, and even find out general information. And All of the sudden, I think to myself, "Hey! Maybe I'm in the wrong field...I'd be a GREAT secretary!!!"

Things of the WORLD
Lord strike me down if I ever get so materialistic as to always talking about what kind of car I drive and how much it costs when I'm older. I overheard a bunch of people at work talking about Mercedez SLK's and BMW 325's and all that stuff. Goodness...I'm so SICK of hearing how people measure themselves up to one another by how much $$$ the make at work, or how much $$$ their car cost...or whatever. And I'm not stupid, I know that $$$ makes the world go 'round, and if I don't have ANY at all, then I won't survive...but I won't go so far as to let it define who I am, and I'm not going to treat it as if it were my God, because it's not. I know it sounds so preachy to say that money is a root of evil, but open your eyes....it IS. It sucks us into this mindset that we need to make top $$$ to be happy and live the good life. That to be happy is to drive the latest rage in automobile. We don't take this $$$ with us into the next life...And I sincerely believe that deep down in my heart, to be happy is to love those people who have come into your life and to know that you are doing your best, regardless of which rung of the financial ladder you're on...listen to me...sheesh...

I am Geoffrey the Toys R Us giraffe...

I won't grow up! Or am I already?!?
I just received e-mails from my cousin and her husband...geez, that sounds so weird...her HUSBAND. And that's my cousin! The cousin who, with my sister, used to always leave me out of things all the time! Who would gang up w/ me and tease my sister. Who I went to 8 years of elementary school with and even kept in touch w/ while we were going to different high schools, then the same w/ college. She's been more like another sister to me than a cousin...but now she's married. Yikes...another friend of mine recently blogged about being adults...she's right. We ARE becoming adults...friends looking to be home-owners, investors, married, parents...it's madness I tell you. Even my LITTLE sister will be married soon enough!!! Sheesh...the rest of my world is in the fast lane and I'm stuck in the shoulder. But even talking w/ a friend of mine the other day, I just want to settle down too...just for my life to start leading down that same path...adulthood is an inevitability, but it's not like it's the death of our youth. It's just a part of life. You can still be young and an adult at the same time...just gotta pick your moments. Because what fun is it to be an adult if your youthfulness isn't a part of you?

It's Friday...and I'm feeling blah...weather perhaps? (that's another one of those wonderful power of suggestion occurrences...you know who you are)

"A smile can occur in an instant, but it's effects immeasurable:"
-me

I am a California cow...

Waking up on the Right side of the bed
It's such an awesome feeling to wake up in the morning feeling good. That's how I felt, good...like a million...well like a thousand, bucks. I didn't totally want to get up, mind you, but I felt awesome nonetheless. Of course that is partly due to going to dreamland "with happy thoughts." ;) My upper back(into which I will delve into further detail a lil later) is still a tad bit sore...but I was able to show up to work today an hour-and-a-half earlier than usual. I usually don't explain my lil "I am a...." but today, being in the happy mood I am, I shall. Good Cheese comes from happy cows, and happy cows come from California...'nuff said? It's Thursday folks. One more day of work and it's play time...not like everyday can't be play time, but you working folks know what I mean...

The early bird gets the...well you know...
It IS true that the early bird gets the worm. Well I wasn't really trying to get the worm, just wanted to get things moving as early as possible. This morning, I woke up much earlier than usual...as a part of my new plan to go into work earlier...and the day is moving by much faster!!! This is a good thing. Although I have to leave early today because I gotta pick up the bubs and her buddy from daycare, I hope to wake up early all the time from now on...keyword HOPE.

Diagnosed
Oh yeah, I went to the doctor yesterday and Dr Fishbein told me that my trapezius muscle is in spasm. Now a great many things can happen for you to do this to yourself from straining it from over exertion to turning your neck too far... So he gave me some anti-inflammatory medication, told me to kind of take it easy, take hot showers and have someone rub it out...and to avoid sitting for long periods of time. Damn...the last one is hard to deal with considering this is what I do 8 hours a day...goodness...well he said as long as I don't feel any numbness, which could really be a major major issue, then I'm cool.... Let's just hope and pray that the numbness never comes...

"Patience is the companion of wisdom"
-St. Augustine

I am a not-so-well-oiled machine...

The best remedy is...
...not rest, I'll be the first to tell you that. After a three-hour nap, no strenuous activity, and MORE rest, my aches and pains are still here!!! This bites man. Apparently rest does not help it out...argh. Now it's starting to make me quite irritated. It's not even the pain that's really getting to me, it's the fact that I can't do anything that I want to do. Play basketball, tennis, run, anything...goodness, I feel like I'm in some sort of physical prison. So those who cross me today, beware... So I've made an appt w/ my doctor, Dr. Howard Fishbein (he's funny...cuz he wears an earring and sings in a rock band)...at 2:15 PM today...cross your fingers everyone! The only downer to me seeing the doctor is that I currently do not carry health insurance, being that I was booted from my dads this past year...so I have to pay out of pocket. But hey, what's $35 if I'm gonna feel better, rigth?


Fork in the road
This kinda reminds me of the whole Robert Frost poem, "The Road Not Taken."

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Put yourself in that same situation...if you were to come accross a fork in the road, which road would you take? The road that's safer...that other people would go on? That you can see clearly on and not stumble along the way? Or would you dare to go on "...the road less traveled by." But that road is much foggier, less secure, and one cannot be sure sure where it'll lead. That's what makes it scary. And I know I'm pretty much just spitting out what Frost already wrote, but it just really says everything that's on my mind. It's just so tough to gage whether or not it's worth the risk. But through the poem, taking that road has made all the difference...

Trippin...
A recent conversation:

-"Dude, _______'s trippin, and I'm trippin too. Everybody's trippin but you."
x"Nah Man, I'm trippin too...I'm just trying not to think about it."
-So I guess we're all trippin..."

I was just wondering to myself, what makes us "trip?" Is it because we don't know what we're doing? Or are we simply overanalyzing current factors and variables in our lives? Either way, I think trippin too much is a bad thing, you might hurt yourself...


"Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless"
-Mother Theresa

*note* I may have used this one already, but I thought it was a good one for today

I am a '69 Firebird that should be in the shop...

No pain....NO PAIN!
I am SOOOO hurting right now. Actually, at least I'm not hurting as bad as yesterday...otherwise I'd be seriously concerned. The actual pain started when a good but totally hammered friend of mine, who is also a great deal larger than me, decided to surprise attack me by jumping on my back when I didn't know he was...I guess I pulled a muscle or pinched a nerve in the process. Oh well, shit happens, but I just wish it wasn't so painful. I know I usually whine and complain about the smallest of injuries, but this is for real. It feels like someone opened up my back and jammed in a bunch of little jacks (you know, the one's you play pick up w/? With the lil ball that you bounce?) so that every time I look down, up, left, or right, I feel an almost unbearable pain...so today, I've resorted to taking advil...and hopefully that provides some comfort. I probably should be getting more sleep too. Since V went home today, I'll probably sleep early. So, although I'm totally far from leaving work, I wanna go home and soak in the hot tub again, that seems to provide the most relief...only 5 or more hours...

I'm a little braindead today, due to the anguish I'm in, that's where I'm pretty much focusing all my energy, on getting rid of this damn pain...

"The best way out is through"
-Robert Frost

I am a single leaf high up in the branches of an oak tree...

Drivefest 2002
Could I have DONE more driving/being on the road this weekend?!?!? Goodness...thank goodness it wasn't all done in one car or else we'd have to put the poor thing out of its misery. Let's start w/ friday, when I spent 1 1/2 hours in gridlock on the way to LA for a birthday dinner, which was in SHERMAN OAKS...another 35-40 minute drive. So went back to my friend's place that nite and crashed, and then went to see my folks on Saturday morning. We end up going to PANORAMA CITY, which, wasn't too loaded w/ traffic but after lunch on the way back, was a nightmare. What was only a 25 minute drive there took 2 hours to get back...yikes! So after that I had to quickly pack my things and head to OC, cuz I was already running late for a birthday in HB. But I had to pick up my roomate and another friend to go there, which tacked on an extra 20 minutes to my already 1 hour plus drive from LA. So we go to HB, where the whole world decided to go that day, because parking was almost impossible to find. Spent some time there before going back to Irvine and heading out to RIVERSIDE for my roomies sister's birthday. From there it was on to TEMECULA, and then to San Diego, and BACK to RIVERSIDE. By this time it was already 4AM and I still had to drive back to IRVINE. Needless to say I was damn tired....what a weekend. Sunday, thank goodness didn't involve much driving, and I hope I vow never to do that much car traveling(back and forth and here and there-type of travel), EVER!!!

Self-deprivation
You know, we always talk about how people never realize what they have and that we always take things for granted, but we never talk about how we don't give ourselves enough credit for anything. Personally speaking, I think one of the biggest mistakes we make is that we take OURSELVES for granted. People in general, either give themselves far too little credit, or none at all. And I have to admit that saddens me, and I guess frustrates me a little bit. People have so much potential and with every success they take a step forward and come closer to that realization that they are truly special. But every time they refuse to see that untapped potential, they are moving further and further away and closer into the abyss where self-doubt and chaos rule. I just that more often, people would take a second to look at themselves in the mirror and realize what a beautiful blessed, child of God they are...


Recent Developments
We hung out again...and it was a lot of fun, as usual...jamba juice, a movie...umm, make that 3 movies...and great conversation. I still get nervous around her, but I wasn't in the whole "What do I wear?" stage anymore...that was rather silly... And I'm sure she had fun too. Still, I don't know exactly what she's thinking. Yes, yes, be patient, I know, I know...and believe me, I AM. I'm walking on eggshells here making sure I don't do anything rash or come off too strong or anything like that. But it would be nice to know what was goin on in HER head. I mean, I don't get negative signs, but I just don't like uncertainty I guess...

Lessons for the day:
-Always be on the lookout for 200 lb people trying to jump on you...
-Never second-guess making a bet in Pai Gow...
-Don't drive 700 miles in 48 hours...

"There are only two ways to live your life. One as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
-Albert Einstein

I am....STILL AT WORK

I'm tired and I should be getting on my damn drive towards LA, in which I am doomed to be stuck in traffic. Geez, I am not looking forward to it at all, PLUS, it's damn hot outside. I'm just whinin cuz I'm annoyed because my most recent blog didn't publish...hopefully it's just a glitch...if not, then I'm gonna have to go postal...
Thank goodness for 80's jams Volumes 1 and 2 :)

I am a scout ant far away from the picnic...

Bon Anniversair
First and foremost, Happy Birthday to Robert Choi...who happens to be in Korea right now, but that's okay. Actually tomorrow's his real birthday, 7;13, but in Korea, it already IS 7/13, so I'm on Korea time at the moment. Welcome to the wonderful world of 24'dom. It sucks...ha ha ha, but happy birthday mon frere. Birthdays, even though I'm not personally totally fond of my own, they are indeed special. Another notch in the belt, another year past...a time to take a second and reflect over the past year, what's different? What did you do? What mistakes did you make? And more importantly, what did you LEARN from those mistakes? Another year older, but another year wiser...hopefully...

Bermudez' Believe it or Not
Jos thinks, really thinks, that London, has inherited the special powers that my sister ALREADY has. Which is the power to see things...and here's the story of why:

Sometime early, early in the morning, at Brian and Jos' irvine apt, probably around 4...London suddenly wakes up screaming, for apparently no reason at all. So, being the heavy, heavy sleeper she is, my sister doesn't get up, so Brian takes her to the living room and she's playing while he's just laying on the couch. Around 5 AM, there's a loud crash upstairs, sounds of a man being beat up, and a man and woman running down the stairs yelling, "Hurry up!!! Before that mother______ wakes up!!!" Soon the cops arrive and see that Jos and Brian's window is open and Brian is questioned as a witness, because he is the only one who witnessed the enitre horrific ordeal. But the catch is, NO ONE at all would have known what had happened if London didn't wake up, and maybe that's WHY she woke up...crazy huh?

Believe it or not, there are indeed some cruel people in this world...it's just sad.

Ready or not, here I come!
Eek, that can sound bad if your mind's in the gutter...ha ha ha. Don't you just love Fridays? I do...absolutely lov'em. It is the beginning of the weekend, no work for 2 days, relaxation, hanging out, just messin around time!!! Even though I still have more than 1/2 a day of work left, I'm gettin revved up. Tonight, I have plans to go to LA for another birthday, Mr Shoenfeld...I don't really know what the plans are, but hopefully, someone clues me in...or else, there go my plans...Goin to the beach tomorrow and I don't know whether or not I plan to hit the water, because I dont' want to show off my gut...the one that people have so graciously made me aware of.. I shouldn't care, but I do...so sue me. :) Well, back to work....

"Don't dwell on things that needn't be dwelt upon, you are wasting precious time in which you could be smiling"
-Me

I am a slice of bread in a toaster oven...

Africa Hot...
Why on earth is it so damn muggy? It's freakin 12:10 AM and I'm burnin up. It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes...ha ha ha. Seriously though...strange weather we've been having lately...but I don't like to think of what connotations that may have. I can't believe it...cool down, pleeeease!!!

I am a lone lobster at the bottom of the sea...

A virtue? or torture?
Good things come to those who wait...hmmm, yeah, but who ever said it wouldn't be torture to wait for that good thing coming? Ha ha ha, it's just funny because I know I just need to slow my mind down like 3 gears when it comes to romantic interests, or ANY interest for that matter. I guess I just wanna skip formalities sometimes...Like I said the other day, take each step slowly and surely. You can't start @ A and go straight to Z withough passing through bcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwx & y first. So this is more of a self-reminder rather than some wannabe, "Eureka!!! I've got it!!!" type of thought. I just like to moan and whine about things that already are... And I know better not to, but hey, I am a free man. C'est la vie, n'est pas?

Health and fitness
Chris read the other day that it isn't really good for you to run 3 hours before you go to sleep. Quite the contrary, pretty much every time I ran it was probably around 1 or 2 hours before my bed time, YIKES!!! So I'm planning to read this article and see whether or not it's really viable. But anyway, so Chris and I had decided last night that we would sleep early and run at 7AM, but how likely did you think that was? Of course not at all...so hopefully, I can read that article and stop worrying, cuz then I'll keep running at night. But I would rather run in the morning, cuz at least I'll get Chris running also and then I don't have to exercise at night, where I can do other things. But that calls me to sleeping earlier, which is a task I have yet to accomplish over the past 6 years... Well, I wanna be healthy, so I better get on it... Speaking of healthy, I've been eating a bit healthier lately. Tuna sandwiches, soup, not the usual enormous amts of artery-clogging fast food that I usually have. But on the down side, I've been smoking more than 3 times a week lately. Way more...geez...I really need to get off that trip....

I think I'm starting to get a lil repetitive...

"A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. "
-William Shedd

I am a duck in a pond...

Amendment to "Dependable? or PUSHOVER?"
Let me just clarify that when that seed of doubt was planted in my head about whether or not my friends asked me for favors because I was a pushover or just because I was very reliable, I didn't mean that my friends WOULD take advantage of me like that. Like I said, it was just a small seed of doubt, and was quickly erradicated... Just one of those random thoughts that pass through in a course of a long day at work...

Hitting Home
Last night I was listening to a lecture during our weekly bible study, the speaker, Dr. John Mark Reynolds, of the Bible Institute Of Los Angeles (aka BIOLA) said something that really hit home, that we are embracing a culture of Death. Mind you, he used this in reference to the impending doom of Christianity because we as a people are not being proactive enough about it, but I also think that what he said impacts society as a whole, christian or not. He gave an example of how his wife, for children, and he walked into a restaurant and was looked at like they were freaks. Four children? People now think that is too many...personally, I do not, but that is the general consensus. This is leading to smaller families and smaller families...it's just crazy, to think that because of how things have progressed, we are having less and less children. I just wonder what it'll be like another 50 or so years from now...

Risky Business...
You know what's so whacked when you're interested in someone and you guys are still just "hanging out?" It's the fact that everything you do is "risky business." There's that whole thing when neither party wants to seem to eager, or if you text message her or leave a message, you freak out until you get a response...sheesh, that sucks...can't I just bypass that whole weirdness part and call whenever w/o worrying? Guess not, you have to go through each step... Well, here's to hoping I get to the next step!!!

"Still round the corner there may wait, a new road or secret gate."
-J.R.R. Tolkein

I am a

Here are the topics I said I'd continue today..mind you they're a lil revamped...

Foundations
I originally wrote this whole thing as a metaphor, but I've since thought otherwise... We all know how important it is to build a good solid foundation in any relationship...because that is what the entire relationship will be built upon, and the fact whether or not it will fall apart is entirely dependent on the strength of that foundation...right? Okay, so how does one SHOW another person that you are building that solid foundation, one they don't have to be sketchy about, or mistrust...basically, how do you establish that trust? That's the question at hand...

Excitations
I love how new people are constantly entering our lives. It's so great to wonder to one's self, "How will this new peson affect my life? What role are they going to play?" I call it excitations because I've been hanging out w/ someone new and well, that's how I feel, excited...so in honor of the famous beach boys, "She's givin me excitations." Excitations, because of the way I get excited to see her or talk to her, or even just excited to see where this path may lead...

Not really a manic monday...
The first day of the work week was actually a lot less stressful and more chill yesterday. Work went by quick and I went home, played some basketball, and waited for Found'm to get to the apt so we could take her to TENKO, one of our fav places to eat around these parts. Unfortunately, she didn't eat much of her food for fear of being "non-lady-like." So she won't really know how good the food was, because even though you eat it at home, it's not the same thing. After that, we went to Jos' place to chill for a while, exchange some laughs and then we were on our way home. And that pretty much summed up monday...

When old paths cross
When we were eating at TENKO last night...I didn't realize we were sitting next to an old friend from a couple of years back. Now she had been sitting there for a while, and should therefore have noticed us already, because supposedly I have like the most distinct voice in the world. But she didn't say anything. I didn't even know it was really her til Chris pointed it out... She must've overheard what we were talking about because I am no whisperer...and STILL said nothing. Chris didn't want to say hi and neither did I because since she never said anything KNOWING we were right there, then she probably didn't want to talk or anything...how sad. I was a little offended thinking that and no longer wanted to say hello...it would just have been embarrassing, trying to say hello to someone who already knew you were there but didn't wanna say hello. Where has all the love gone?!?!?!

"Life's Tragedy is that we get old to soon and wise too late. "
-Benjamin Franklin

I am a 250-watt lightbulb...

I am also an angry mob...because this is the second time I had to write this blog, some mishap w/ my Internet Connection caused me to lose the entire blog!!! So hopefully this one rings identical to the original, but I'll be the only one to know that...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Events Transpired...
Not a very eventful weekend, even though it was longer than usual.

Dependable, or PUSHOVER?
A recent telephone conversation w/ one of my new phone buddies brought a certain to mind. I was telling her about how I had woken up @ 4:15AM yesterday so that I could get to LAX by 5-ish to pick up my friend, who was just arriving from Hawaii. And she was teasing me saying that he only asked me cuz he knew I would cuz I never say no. Even though she was just kidding, I'd have to say it did cast a seed of doubt about why people always ask ME for favors and stuff like that. People say I'm dependable and reliable, but is it really because I'm just a pushover? So I contemplated this topic over a couple of cigarettes (I know I KNOW, I am now suffering the consequences of smoking those cigs), and came to my conclusion, which is as follows: I never say no to a favor someone asks of me because I know I've asked for countless favors from other people. I also say yes, even when it might be a little tough for me to do because that's just how I am. I like to go out of my way for my friends...it's a part of my loyalty I guess. And if I really couldt NOT do it, then I could easily say no and state my reason why. But if not, then why WOUDN'T I do it? Not being able to do it because of prior engagements or other such matters is one thing, but being able to but just not wanting to is something else. What does that say about you? And that's exactly it, I want to state, BY MY ACTIONS that I, Jay Bermudez, am truly trying to be a good friend. Treat people how you want to be treated, and hopefully it will be so... So judges rule, NOT a pushover...

Because I am TOO tired to continue, it's been a long day at work, tomorrow, I shall briefly touch upon Foundations and Excitations...hey, that rhymes... :P

"Life is a journey, and love is what makes that journey worthwhile. "
-Unknown

I am a 1996 Tickle-me-Elmo toy...

Cut down in its prime...
Not really a fitting title but this is in reference to yesterday's mini, unfinished blog. I was in the middle of writing it when a heap of work got dropped onto my lap. I guess it was a blessing in disguise, because...as you can read, blog wasn't gonna be totally happy...well not that part at least. But I didn't get to mention the creation of two new characters in my weird lil world. Lost'm and Found'm (That's the correct spelling by the way, as I was informed this morning). But lost'm and found'm are very funny, and they laugh all the time and they just...well....click! Anyway, so that's why that blog was, "Cut down in it's prime."

Siblings, I can't live w/ out her...
My sister is one of the most interestingly funny people I know. She just entertains me...and I guess I'm the only one that would be entertained by her antics because we have that sibling humor that can only be understood between siblings. If you have siblings of your own, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I was taking her to LAX airport late yesterday afternoon(She's going to Spokane, Washington to see London's OTHER grandparents), and more or less all we did, after she went through her obsessive-compulsive fit of making sure she had everything, was laugh laugh laugh. We laughed about each other, about our pasts, about the present, and the future. I think it's the way that we can laugh about everything together that has strengthened our relationship...not to mention how close we are in age(That sentence doesn't make much sense to anyone other than me, I think...random) Plus, we've experienced a lot of the same trials and tribulations, so it's no wonder we would identify w/ one another. You wonder why we're so close...we just get along and accept each other for who we are and we support each other 110%.

Show your true colors
Is it better to filter the bad things about you when you interact w/ people? And I don't mean filter as in not letting them know initially and then as you get closer, tell them, but I mean as in filter by putting them away in a little box and throwing away the key. If you have something to hide from everyone, aren't you NOT letting them in on who you are? Even if other people don't agree, it doesn't matter. To me, if you're hiding things about what you are, then the person I see isn't really you... I know I have my faults, vices, and what makes me weak, but I KNOW that's a part of me, and you either accept me w/ everything that I carry w/ me, or you don't. I'm not gonna hide it, because then you haven't accepted Jay, for better or for worse. Otherwise, it's hypocrisy...

Butterflies?
How strange, I've got the butterflies..well tiny butterflies. In any case, I'm nervous...why? Don't ask me...or ask me. I don't know...I just know was laughing at myself earlier when I asked someone what I should wear today...how stupid. But my roomie says it's natural, and I guess the fact that it's a new experience just might prove to make a difference. I know this sounds so shady, and totally not making sense...but oh well => Okay, I'm going to go home in a few hours and relax...and be nervous at home. :)

"It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got"
-Sheryl Crow

I am cubicle 341 B...

Bearer of bad news....
If you never have to be the one to break bad news to another human being...then you are only too lucky. Yesterday, I had to break some bad news to a friend of mine well, actually the news had already been broken the day before...but this time we went into further detail...and well, let's just say it wasn't one of my top 10 favorite moments in life. I hated myself for being the one to make her feel the way she did...even though she said she would rather have heard the news from me than from someone else...but still. To sit and watch someone break down into tears for over an hour is more excruciating than you could possibly imagine. And to be the one who brought that upon her? Someone, kill me NOW.

I am a wrist watch that has stopped at 10:10...AM or PM...doesn't matter...

End of June Recap...
This last week, dating back from Thursday, well actually, the ENTIRE week was sooooooooo damn long. Things to do EVERY single minute of every day. Not exactly what I had in mind when I thought about keeping busy. That was just too busy. But nonetheless it was way fun. Thursday I went into work and went home at about 2 PM to meet up w/ my cousin so that we could go try on and pick up our tuxedos from Friar Tux and proceed to LA for the wedding rehearsal and 70's theme dinner that was to follow. So after the rehearsal, we went to dinner, and then went to go grab some coffee and have a cig w/ Lan and Mike and friends before heading out...then it was back to Irvine...and that was pretty much the end of that day. Seeing my lil cousin smoke was a trip by the way...I know he doesn't really do it that often from observing HOW he smoked(since I've had such a long history of smoking), but it made me realize that he is growing up. He's a good kid though...just curious, and we had that whole experimentation, being careful chat on the way back to Irvine. Just yesterday, I remember when he used to cry cuz my sister would tease him. My goodness he'll be 20 this week...where does the time go? Friday, I went to work for a couple of hours...had to go to the bank, wait for traffic to die down, and then drive to LA to meet up w/ my mom, sis, and niece. But the drive home was quick because I had a friend accompany me on the phone the whole time...so thanks dude! Upon my arrival, I was urged to eat dinner quickly, which I did, and proceed to unpack my things for the weekend. So I hang up my tux, make sure it's all there, unpack my other stuff, i.e. toiletries, jammies, books, etc. Then it was off to Target to buy the happy couple's wedding gift, as my sister and I had been quite late to get to. We proceed to Target and find a beautiful cutlery set and go to spend some quality time w/ the Bride and Groom-to-be's families. We leave after about two hours...so it is not about 11PM. After getting home and wrapping the wedding gift...I have to tutor my sister in Calculus and help her finish as much homework because she needs to turn it in earlier before she leaves for Idaho. So we stay up intil about 1AM doing her homework and then catch up for another hour or so...we hadn't really REALLY talked in a while. Wedding plans, where we are in life...etc. it was really good. Saturday I had to wake up my sis at 5:30 AM so that she could be at the bride's house by 6AM so that the bridal court could all go and get their hair done and get their makeup done and stuff...I wake her up, go back to bed and sleep in until 9, when I get a call from my friend Cheryl asking me if I could drop off the backpack for another friend of ours. So I head out to Santa Monica and give her the backpack, have a few strips of bacon over a mini-conversation w/ Cheryl and Kyle, and go to the store to pick up some milk for London and some socks...because I forgot some black dress socks for the wedding. After doing these mini-errands...I ate a lil brunch...and then had to shave my head and start getting ready for the wedding... That took a lot longer than I thought, maybe because I was moving a lil slowly, I WAS tired and all, but I was ready by 12:30 w/ 1/2 an hour to spare. So then it was time to get London, who had fallen asleep while I was in the shower, ready w/ her lil flower girl dress and everything. That was pretty tough because she was lil miss crankypants cuz we had to disrupt her nap. We got to the church at around 1:05PM, not bad considering all the things that were going on during the whole getting ready process...the Bride arrived at quarter til and the wedding started promptly at 2PM. Beautiful beautiful ceremony. Then the usual pictures and hugs and kisses after the ceremony, and after the bridal court headed out to the hotel(IN THE LIMO) with the bride and groom, we groomsmen proceeded to MacDonald's on a food run for the girls and to Ralphs for some drank. Then to the hotel room for some drinks before the dinner reception began. The rest of the evening went by in a blur...but it was SOOO fun. Drinking, dancing, mingling, drinking, taking pictures, eating, drinking, dancing, and well, you get the picture. Got home around 1-ish and was still a little tossed so I text messaged a couple friends of mine, all of whom one was still awake, thank goodness. So she stayed up w/ me until 4AM so that I wouldn't have a hangover...sweet, don't you think? I owe her BIGTIME and that's MAJOR brownie pts. Sunday, woke up around 10-ish played w/ my lil niece and then had to go to my aunt's apt in Culver City to fix her phone(if this sounds a lil weird, you're about to realize that you're right)? First of all, a wee bit of history w/ this aunt...the last time I saw her, I had to "fix" her computer at her apt and the lil knowledge I have of computers, I wondered why me? Well, even the most basic knowledge(which I happened to have) about computers allowed me to make the decision that her computer was way too old and that she just needed to buy a new one. So I just talked to her AND her NIECE about what kind they could get and dadadada. She tries to keep me there longer, but I have to go. Turns out she already KNEW that she should just get a new one, she jsut wanted me to meet her niece. OH....MY....GOD....what the? I told my mom to tell her, no thank you...but it was funny. So now back to the moment at hand. Of course I was a lil suspicious when I first was called for this new duty. But my mom had told me that her niece already moved out and she was alone. Not so, I was to find out. Turns out she has another niece staying w/ her...at least I THINK it was another niece. Damn!!! Duped again!!! Could I be wrong? No...and my justification for arriving to such a conclusion is that the damn directions for setting the phone time and display were RIGHT ON THE PHONE!!!! So again, they were trying to get me to stay and eat a little bit, but I couldn't, PLUS I felt a lil uncomfortable...I don't like that kind of setting...the trying to set me up w/ someone I don't know setting. But I did stay longer than I had planned to talking to my aunt...but really had to go cuz I had to meet up w/ the folks and fam at the new bride's house for the opening of the gifts. So I was out the doors, down the stairs, out of the parking lot, and rolling east on Venice Blvd in a flash. Partied and watched the gift opening for a couple hours and it was on the way back to good old Irvine w/ my sister and niece. Dropped off the tux, dropped her off at her place and headed to Church. After church, had some boba w/ Lori at this new place...Upper Lip? Lid? I don't remember, but that place was sweet. And then went back to my sister's where I did some MORE tutoring til about 10:30. Then, went home, went to bed, woke up, ran a couple errands BEFORE going in to work. I did get to eat breakfast for once though... and NOW, Here I am... pretty busy, non? Still looks to be a busy week, but I'll take it in stride...there some things I am really looking forward to this week, so being busy may not be so bad...it's defniitely not gonna be like the busy-busting week like that of the end of June.

Music to my ears
Never underestimate the power of a song. I am always amazed at how I feel after hearing my favorite song, or just hearing any song for that matter. Listening to music always puts me in the best of moods...which is why I think that having a more eclectic taste really allows you to enjoy music in all of it's glory, whether it be classical, raggae, hip hop, rock, oldie, whatever... So next time you're stuck in traffic wanting to step out of your car and bash everyone w/ a bat, just tune in to your favorite local station, turn up the volume, and sing and dance your lil heart out...

"Do the thing you are afraid to do and the death of fear is certain. "
-Ralph Waldo Emerson